Gummies

Featured

Pineapple gummy

The original:

“The gorgeous taste of fully ripened pineapple imposing as a southern island king crowned in glory, is yours to enjoy in every soft and juicy Kasugai Pineapple Gummy”

In 2012, three budding lawyers, filled with a passion for the constitution and a great love for graceful prose, walked into a convenience store and discovered something that would change their lives forever – the
Kasugai Pineapple Gummy. Its majestic inscription (above), filled them with wonder. They started a group email to decipher the text, adding another old friend similarly fascinated by the gummy.

Decades passed, their careers slowly crushed their souls, but the email chain continued on, kept buoyant by their their love for the Kasugai Pineapple Gummy. Though they could never unlock the secrets of that sacred text, as time waned, they paid tribute to that ever-elusive island king, writing fictional gummy Kasugai candy descriptions of their own. These labors of love are what you will find below. The authors know they will never compare to the didactic flavor of the original, but hope the king and you, the reader, may find them honorable.

Rambutan Gummies

SNIIIKKKTTTT!!! The shriek of two tungsten swords shatter in the night. DREAD as you realize soul just separated from body. Formless, you/it meanders through the ether guided only by the call: “You silly boy, you are only free where you find me.” Time dilates, they call you forth waiting at the spark of all creation and then consuming you just as you had them seconds (or was it an eternity?) ago (eons in the future?!). The circle of life collapses and implodes, a honeybee’s sting, you hear it, but feel nothing but the sweet taste of ego death on the edge of a hummingbird’s wing…Rambutan Gummies.

Jabuticaba gummy

Journey back 65 million years ago when flavor ruled the world! Primal and ancient the gelatinous energy within may elevate or destroy you. Consume your destiny!

Yuzu Fruit Gummy

The Minotaur of legend: Icarus’s grand design! Half enlightened scholar; half untamed brute, birthed from the unholy deeds of Pasiphe. This sumptuous hybrid of delicate mandarin sweetness and the biting tang of Icahn papeda dwells at the centre of a labyrinth of complex flavour and exacting texture. So as the great miscreation was heroically tamed at the hands of Theseus, allow your masticatory juices to wash over this amalgam of delights as it gradually succumbs to the dominion of the mouth.

Tangerine gummies

Like Gluttony’s late bedfellow, the sweet tenderness embraces you only to abandon you in the night, leaving you to stumble around in the darkness of your suffering worthlessness. SLAP! A touch of her hand brings you back. You’re alive again and one with the snapping flavor. Tangerine gummies.

Durian fruit gummies

A blunderbuss shot: the velocity of flavor rushes at your brain like the Colorado rapids carving out a wonder of the world. Upon impact you see visions of futures past, alternate timelines, worlds beyond worlds. You black out and awaken to a new civilization. Disciples praise your generosity and kindness, you have become a god.

Mangosteen gummies

AWAKEN! The fires of the soul and of all souls past, present and future call out to you as you attempt to quantify this cacophony of flavor. Like a mountain trail mix on hallucinogenics, these flavors transcend time and space, leaving you with nothing left to contemplate. Only interplanetary beings with a palette capacity rivaling infinity or a cerebral network of sensory interpretation could divine such flavor. You collapse in exhaustion because your feeble human brain cannot cope with this flood of knowledge and flavor.

Passion fruit gummies

Enjoy these gifts from the kingdom of lesser known philanthropic antiquities as you serve only those needs whose truth lies in the periphery of your waking consciousness. What was once a singular transgression has become the only true God you will ever know.

Açaí gummies:

Enchantment awaits as you navigate the ephemeral boundary between your mind and the temporal plane of limitless existence. Have you discovered an idyllic mead forgotten by humankind? No. You have just succumbed to the harsh truth that is existential isolation.

Banana gummies

like a court jester prancing before his master this fruit juggles the tastebuds. Sweet yet savory. Short but spicy. We bang drums and blow the conch shell to welcome this sweet symphony of flavor.

Concord grape gummies

A gush of flavor hits you like a mule kick to the temple and catapults you into memories of your infancy…your first steps…circumcision…exiting the birth canal. And then beyond…inception…the evolution of life…the first single celled organism…the cooling planets…the Big Bang. Just like the flash in the pan that is life, the flavor fades and you are sucked back into the crippling reality that consumes you. Your life will never be what you wanted it to be. Every thought leaves you begging to go back to times when there was nothing but the black abyss of space.

Lychee gummies

Allow the sweet white scented flesh of stoneberry to set your senses aflame; body, mind, and spirit function as one in the timeless cosmic dance. We pay flavorful tribute to the ghosts of Guangdong.

Cherimoya gummies

Everything and nothing, the juices flow and swell with the flavors of all that is yet never was, promising hidden delights still to come.

Honeycrisp gummies

sweet as a mother’s teet on a quiet summer morning. Yet, a soft, subtle reminder that the vibrancy of youth soon fades away into a droning endless bloat of ingratitude and gluttony that forces you to consume even fruit that is no healthier than a stick of candy…

Plumot gummies

Like the tears of god’s mother the juices saturate your spirit with the wisdom known by frogs and forgotten by toads, coalescing in the oblivion known only by those who know why the caged bird sings.

Kasugai cherry gummies

Young and innocent, maturing but not mature, infatuated but not yet in love, a blossoming flower not yet blossomed, the sweet nectar of a she-wolf’s teet majestically fills you with childhood dreams of the day boy became man.

Boysenberry Gummies

Allow the distinct taste of nature’s accidental fruit remind you of the evanescence of your own existence and the reality that your dreams and the life you imagined for yourself are worth no more than the imported Peruvian plastic upon which these words appear.